Rockem Sockem

Well in our sixteenth year why should anything change? While the top three have been pretty much locked in from the beginning of the season spots 4-12 have been as fluid as any season ever. For 9 of us this season has been pure insanity. Sure, Birdie may run pretty much wire to wire, but I wouldn't be so sure as points seem to be oscillating with ease. To wit, who was in first place last year at the all-star break? Yeah, I didn't remember either, turns out it was Jeff who finished in third and I am not sure if I used to wit right either.

For the All-star Break, like past years, I will pick a player who best represents your team. Let's get after it…In draft order:

Honey Nut Ichrios- 1st Place, Corey Kluber
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Bird has been on top of the league for almost all of the first half and has really dominated in terms of points. With Mike Trout hurt, Kluber has been leading his pitching staff, and when Trout comes back Birdie will be hard to catch, possibly becoming the first person to win Rockem after drafting first overall. We shall see…

Bone Droppers- 3rd Place, Aaron Judge
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Vig is enjoying his best season ever remaining in the top 3 for the majority of the first half. Really coming out of nowhere to stake his claim as one to be reckoned with, like #1 overall for 2017 (so far) Aaron Judge. Can they both hold on to lead their team to greater heights?

Oceans Blyleven- 2nd Place, Giancarlo Stanton
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It is amazing that the players who picked 1-2-3 are all in the top three (and by a fair amount) at the halfway point of 2017. Mike is putting it all together, as is Giancarlo who is ranked 20th overall. Will their be a collapse or catastrophic injury during the second half? The rest of us can only hope so….

The Chickle Tickles- 12th Place, Jon Lester
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From the penthouse to the outhouse as Bull currently resides in the basement of Rockem. That wood paneled flophouse has been home to multiple teams this first half as points have been flying around. Lest has been a big let down, and until now so have the Chickles.

So Wacha Want- 4th Place, Joey Votto
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And here he comes, BK has fluctuated like the majority of the league but for the last few weeks he has been on constant upward trajectory and if anyone makes the top three shake in their fucking boots it is The Champ. Votto has been on fire the last few weeks and really has had a great season (5th overall) so you know it is only a matter of time until he is battling Birdie for the crown….this league is so fucking predictable.

Licensed To Inge- 7th Place, Christian Yelich
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Tom has been up and down more than a hooker taking on John's in an elevator…middle of the pack and each day/night brings a swing in points. While Yelich isn't a perfect fit (he has been OK, but a bit disappointing, 97th overall) it seems the rest of his team is either wildly underachieving (Lucroy ranked 892) or overachieving (Reynolds at 36). Big point swings and probably a final position around here is what is in store for Tom during the second half.

Time To Get Hill- 9th Place, Justin Turner
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While no one wants to be in 9th place after the way Winston started off the season, this is a huge accomplishment, and proof just how available points are in this league. Starting out awful, or in Turner's case hurt for the start of things, now he is has been moving steadily up the chart, but can he ever climb out of that early season hole? Turner has, ranked 44th overall now, and I got a feeling Winston will keep climbing.

Tangled Upton Blue- 8th Place, Corey Knebel
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Don has been on the roller coaster ride as well this season as has Knebel. Starting out as an OK MR, he became an All-Star closer on the most surprising team in baseball. While he is ranked 144 overall, his last 2 weeks have been rough, just like Don's. He goes into the break ready to pitch in Miami and McNally goes into the break moving to Queens…wait that isn't a good parallel…ah no one is reading anyhow.

ephedraheartstoppers- 11th Place, Johnny Cueto
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My pre-seaon pick to win the league, Moon has really suffered and is now fighting to stay out of the cellar. Cueto has really let it go this year and not in a “He's throwing Fastballs and really letting them go” kinda way. More like a “Fuck it, I'm eating taco Bell for three meals a day” kind of way. He is stumbling into the break ranked 352nd overall and Moon is sick of Mexi-Melts.

The Spearmint Rhinos- 6th Place, Sam Dyson
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The best fit we found this year at the all-star break is Wilson and Sam Dyson. Dyson started as the closer for the Rangers and shit the bed. Wilson stumbled the first two months of the season as well. With a signing and injury Dyson is now the closer in San Fran (and ranked a healthy 99th the last two weeks) and Wilson has pulled it together to climb out of the bottom of the league to sit smack dab in the middle now. I doubt either lasts…but it is a nice story currently.

Dogzilla- 10th Place, Yoenis Cespedes
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Both of these guys have a lot of talent, but neither can get it going in 2017. We picked Fatty to finish high on the board and we were fucking hoping Yoenis could stay on the field but he is ranked 657th overall. Injuries have hurt both, but excuses excuses…. HOWEVER, it is still not too late to salvage the season says the eternal optimist.

No Sleep Til Broxton- 5th Place, Lance Lynn
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With underachieving Hall of Famers (Mig Cab, Bumgarner, Pujols) stinking up the squad, I am going to go with the sneaky good Lynn to rep my team for the first half. Ranked 122nd overall and for pitchers this year that is kind of impressive, as is my current 5th place standing at the ASB. Oh and Lynn is also sneaky fat too…that fits.


Sure the HR Derby is tonight, but let's get into a slice of history with Mantle vs. Banks…when it really mattered (because Banks really didn't have any rights in '59 did he?!?1):