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--- 2017_preview [2019/02/15 14:54] – admin
+++ 2017_preview [2019/12/15 23:16] (current) – admin
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 Happily, I couldn't really understand her, than I saw this pic and wept for humanity…as well as her parents poor child raising skills:\\
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-Anyways, on to the millions of words about basically nothing. I will be conducting your preview as usual, you all answered some questions…some quicker than others (Eben was last this year getting his in on May 9th). Been doing this a while now, not sure if it is as fresh as it used to be, but you fellas get what you pay for. Nothing. Actually, now that I think about it, you guys get A LOT more than you pay for, so shut up and read.\\
+Anyways, on to the millions of words about basically nothing. I will be conducting your preview as usual, you all answered some questions…some quicker than others (Wilson was last this year getting his in on May 9th). Been doing this a while now, not sure if it is as fresh as it used to be, but you fellas get what you pay for. Nothing. Actually, now that I think about it, you guys get A LOT more than you pay for, so shut up and read.\\
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 I have a patented line that i end the preview with, but while going over things I felt more needed to be said:\\
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 ) Favorite moment of Rockem 16 Draft?\\
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-I feel like Eben every year provides the comedy to the draft, although I am sure it was more funny to me after 2 JJger Bombs and 6 Jameson shots. This year the trend continued with his draft pick Mark MAL-IN-CON. After the entire room asked "Who the fuck is that", he responded with "the closer for the Pirates". Then the hysterical laughter, yes you mean Mark Melancon. Thanks Eben for the ab workout.\\
+I feel like Wilson every year provides the comedy to the draft, although I am sure it was more funny to me after 2 JJger Bombs and 6 Jameson shots. This year the trend continued with his draft pick Mark MAL-IN-CON. After the entire room asked "Who the fuck is that", he responded with "the closer for the Pirates". Then the hysterical laughter, yes you mean Mark Melancon. Thanks Wilson for the ab workout.\\
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 ) Anything To Say to your competitors?\\
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 ) Favorite moment of Rockem 16 Draft?\\
-I’d say the unforeseen Eben Carle/Melania Trump moment of plagiarizing Jay Vig’s/Michelle Obama impromptu closing draft speech.\\
+I’d say the unforeseen Wilson/Melania Trump moment of plagiarizing Jay Vig’s/Michelle Obama impromptu closing draft speech.\\
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 or\\
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 In the New American Dictionary for 2017 it's called "Mooning," or, as defined:\\
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-Mooning: (verb) 1. Psychokinetically anticipating what Eben is about to do and doing it first. 2. Leveraging your place in the draft order to pick Rockies before Eben can call them out. 3. Pre-empitvely doing something just to be a dick. Common usage: "I mooned you while you were in the bathroom, and got Stephanie's phone number." or, "Mr. President, we're pretty sure Canada poses a threat…we better moon them."\\
+Mooning: (verb) 1. Psychokinetically anticipating what Wilson is about to do and doing it first. 2. Leveraging your place in the draft order to pick Rockies before Wilson can call them out. 3. Pre-empitvely doing something just to be a dick. Common usage: "I mooned you while you were in the bathroom, and got Stephanie's phone number." or, "Mr. President, we're pretty sure Canada poses a threat…we better moon them."\\
 In other words, my best picks were, respectively, Nolan Arenado, Trevor Story, and Carlos Gonzalez. Mark it down, the Commish as my witness. Only three seconds before shouting those picks out I got mooned. And now Moon is where I belong…in 7th place. I got the other guys. Those were my worst picks. I should rename my team The Ugly Sisters. Because that's what I got. Jay Moon is running around with a bunch of Britney's with baseball bats and I get stuck with Jamie Lynn post-pregnancy. I would also not re-draft Curtis Granderson, who is awful.\\
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 ) In[[:2014_preview|2014 we had a question]] regarding our house bartender Stephanie, what has she been up to for the last three years?\\
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-Probably 155, depending upon clothing. We must remember that after the pivotal age of 25, women age three years for every one year a man ages. I have no peer-reviewed journals to back that up, but the slip and slide of time is on steroids during that period, for women, because it's the last waltz with mindless optimism. As Rod Stewart once crooned, "Ever seen a blind man cross the road, tryin to make the other side?/Ever seen a young girl growin old, tryin to make herself a bride?" Yes. And while things normalize for women in their forties, when they find comfort in phase two, disembarking from the optimism of youth and putting some mileage on the standard factory options of being a young woman (men nodding at everything you say, thus you think you are brilliant; necks craning in your wake, so you think you're history's first magnet) is a dastardly experience for women. Makes you glad you don't have what my son inexplicably calls "the vajessica." So basically, while it's been three years for us…it's been nine years for Stephanie.\\
+Probably 155.\\
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 ) Real baseball question alert: who is the best player not in the Hall of Fame?\\
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 This team is certainly not lacking in veteran leadership with three bona fide captains in Miggy, Pujols and Longoria. The offense has potential, as long as all of the old men can stay on the field or stay off the juice (here’s looking at you Dee Gordon). Kemp’s a nice surprise in Atlanta and Texas could be favorable for the NOLA Brokedaddies, Odor could be a steal at the end of the 3rd round and Mazara has all the potential for a top 25 player.\\
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-As usual the commish channeled his inner Jarod Fogle\\
+As usual the commish channeled his inner Jarod Fogle
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