Rockem Sockem

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====== Rockem Sockem X Preview ======

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Well we made it…alive and back from Vegas in one piece (some of us pieces), what a trip…still a little water logged in the brain from the hot tub which overlooked the whole shebang of a city and still feeling the effects of 4 hours of sleep Thursday and Friday total.\\
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Every which way this one is going to be epic…we already set the bar super high, we got some other things planned and we got a full season of baseball to get to…with a split opening day to start in a couple of weeks.\\
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The draft was actually shorter then most years (tipping in at 6 hours) but the setting was gorgeous and will be tough to top, I got some stuff to say about the teams, and you answered some questions for me. I did my previews before reading anything you wrote so any coincidences are strictly cosmic debris.\\
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As always I am just dealing with your team as of the draft with my takes; I can’t keep track if you picked up Johnny Hotnuts or slipped the tongue to Malcolm McVultureSave, so deal with it. (Quick sidenote, are their certain words you consistently misspell? One of mine was in that last sentence, tongue. I always type it tounge. I never get that one right…anyway)\\
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//Editors Note: Since it's May 11th and I wrote these back in March, I am switching things up a bit…//**here the Previews are…Presented in order I received them (so you know who held up this extremely late posting)** \\
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Preview:

=== __**A-Rod In My Pants** -Manager: Bull-__ ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**Latino** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**Miguel Montero…. Fucking Ian Stewart** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**A 700% increase in lifetime limo rides within an 18 hour span.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**Winstons….I learned some new names.** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
**Mark Prior or Skip Hicks…..although I have had success with Arod in my Pants** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis of how you would explain the last ten years together…\\
**Eat a Dick….Keg Stand….That’s my Roommate…Slopes (and not the ones I routinely draft)….Glen in a Hot Tub…Rib Tips….Fielding %….Half the league still hasn’t won!** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Who put the fat torn down Met’s Stadium in the Hot Tub?** \\
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//Commish Take-// \\
The biggest Las Vegas lover in the crew…in ones sense of the word…was estatic to be in his adored city for the 10th anniversary of Rockem. Getting there early to check out the [[http://www.pinballmuseum.org/|Pinball Hall of Fame]] and slow whack it to his hero at the [[http://www.liberace.org/|Liberace Museum & Foundation]]\\
| {{:liberacebathroom.jpg?nolink&391|liberacebathroom.jpg}} |

|Bull Waiting for Glen|

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Bull barely had time to prep for his draft, so with the first pick he did what he always does…pick a white guy who rocked a mullet last year. Tulo sunk my team in Rockem 9 but no hard feelings (IWILLFUCKINGSLITHISTHROATIFIEVERSEEHIM) and makes a valuable pick at 4…in fact I knew rockem would go against the grain when it came to SS with Tulo over Hanley…just seemed like a (racist) right move. Bull then grabbed some umbrella toting clown before shocking the world the 4 straight Latinos!!! Brian Wilsons beard is going to be in shock when he enters that bullpen.

|{{:wilson-beard.jpg?nolink&200|wilson-beard.jpg}}|
|Homeless or World Series Champ?|

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Overall there seems to be decent balance here, with a slight edge to his staff with possible Cy Young seasons to be had from Ubaldo Gallardo and Liraino…aka the three amigos…or as Bull calls them “Beaners!”\\
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His O could be a touch lacking if Tulo and Kemp continue their inconsistent play, the other big bats Pedoria and V-Mart always seem to spend a few weeks on the DL. His managerial talent and lack of good Broadway shows this season will keep him fighting through September. See you at your crib on the last day of the season you damned ballerina. Birdie that means Saturday…\\
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**Prediction**- Top Third…some-fucking-how.\\
=== __**Italian Stallions** – Manager: Vig:__ ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**Average. I don't think I did anything to crazy one way or another. Which, is NOT how you win this thing. However, I think I have the pieces to make it interesting and hopefully not be the defender of the basement all season long.** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**By default, the Hanley pick was probably the one I was most stoked about. The first round was just nutty. The one I am least psyched about is Beckett because he just isn't the caliber of a number two that I should have representing me. Plus I hate him and want him to explode into a fiery red mess.** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**The hot tub and penthouse view most def. Of course, that shit don't mean nothing without the rockem homeboys. Friday was an epic day/night for me.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**Probably Tommy G's but there are a couple of teams I like.** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess\\
up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
**Since I entered? Wait, why are we being forced to go brokeback B? Assuming you mean mlb players and not, God willing, Rockem players. I will say…derek jeter. I don't know how to answer this. Walking away now.** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it…\\
**The most intense make believe "game" I ever played with some of the best people I have ever known. Rockem carries the day with the get togethers, arguing, spirited conversations, spirited beverages and general social creativity. It's been a rough ten years but Rockem has been a great friend throughout.** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Good luck and thanks for the memories.** \\
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//Commish Take:// \\
Another Vegas Vagabond was happy to be out and about in the city of shitty Neon Lights. All though we never made it to Vig’s Mafioso Restaurant (oh riiiiight there is no such thing as the mafia…wank wank)\\
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his spirits were soaring (unlike Sollozo)…so much so that he came into the draft cold…I mean freezing…we were sleeping with the balcony door open on the 56th floor…it was 40 degrees out there and Vig didn’t even have a fantasy baseball magazine to keep him warm!\\
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After making photocopies of a few cheat sheets, Vig hunkered down for his annual right of drunken yelling out of Yankee Players names…A nice surprise was awarded to him at the 7th slot when Hanley slipped. I am not a fan of Hanley this year, but when a potential top 3 producer at a weak position slides to you it is impossible to let him pass. The unpreparedness may have crept in at the 2nd pick though as Utley’s injury could have him shelved for a while (I am guessing he will be back just before the all-star break). Not wanting to leave the NL east and having a hard-on for MI’s he grabbed Reyes next. I am not sure anyone has ever drafted 3 MI’s in a row before?\\
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NL East for MI’s AL East for all things Pitch with Beckett and CC anchoring the arms and Papelblowjobber closing games…how does it feel to have your fate rest in the hands of two Red Sox vig?\\
{{:2004-world-series.jpg?nolink&400|2004-world-series.jpg}}\\
In order to combat that the annual run of late yanks (this year Burnett and Nova) sealed up his staff so Jay can at least root for these chuckleheads. As always Jay Vigs team has speed…and like a lot of other years I am confused by the rest…so one more tradition will continue….\\
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**Prediction**- Bottom 3rd…stick with what you know.\\
=== __**Gallardos and Dolls**- Manager: Mike__ ===

How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**If I were to rate my draft on a hot tub scale going from “Luke Warm” to “Blazing Hot”, my rating would be “Drunk.” All booze and no sleep is hardly any way to partake in this event with the caliber of my Vegas contemporaries. And I’m not talking about some random Welsh ex-pat you meet in said hot tub. I mean the Magnificent 12.** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**I can’t believe I’m going to fall for this, but I’m stoked for Erik Bedard. K numbers are good if he’s healthy, which he wont be. But I’m going to live in denial for a bit longer. Honorable mention to Alex Rios, who should probably have actually gotten the stoked nod here.** \\
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**I should have changed a bunch of picks, but I’ll say one or more of my frantic closer picks. Brian had me on edge after that Chris Perez snag and I got a little reactionary.** \\
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3.What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**This is easy. What will stand out to me the most from Rockem X will be finding all these super small moments in the bigger mosaic of mayhem. Too many to count, but all were memorable. Chillin’ at the pool with Fatone, lighting up the dancefloor at Fontana bar with my partner in crime, Steve, or angering Glen by laughing at Jay Vig pretending to whack-off in a shower - these are things of value. They are to be treasured.** \\
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**I was a little wary of the weekend getting washed out in a sea of debauchery and waking up Monday saying ‘what happened?’ And it didn’t really happen like that for me. I got QT in with everybody. And it was killa. Being way out west definitely makes me value all of this and all of you tremendously. So I suppose quite simply the time with my friends stands out the most to me.** \\
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**…it’s either the time with my friends, or it’s not making it upstairs quick enough to see the panty-less gals that Gallagher, BK and Donny had corralled there for a moment…** \\
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**But probably the time with my friends.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**I like the Rhinos a lot if the young pitching comes along. I like the Stallions a lot if Chase Utley plays this year. But overall, I gotta say the Commish rode the snaaaaaaaake in stylish fashion. Pitch. Bats. A lot of big numbers every which way you look. Most impressive.** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
**This is so gay, I cant believe we are just getting to asking this question now…** \\
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**Ever since Johan Santana pretty much single handedly got me to the promised land way back when in ’04, I have had a spot in my heart for the guy. Always looking for him in drafts but he’s never been avail when I thought I could get him at the right price…** \\
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**Wait, he’s on the waiver wire right now isn’t he?!?!?!** \\
**…I’m still gonna pass, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him.** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis of how you would explain the last ten years together…\\
**Like Bases Loaded II for Nintendo, but even better.** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Why am I the only one who wears a tie to these big drafts? I mean, 5 years? 10 years? Are these not tie-worthy milestones in our lives fellas? For crying out loud, some of you didn’t even have sleeves!** \\
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**Put on the tie gentlemen. Dress for success. And be whatever you want, but be the best. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!** \\
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//Commish Take:// \\
The Rockem curveball thrower did it again this year, leaping outside of his cardboard-square-like-frame to sail down to Tampa and declare Evan Longoria his own this year. [[http://withleather.uproxx.com/2008/09/eva-longoria-evan-longoria-now-friends|While I find him more attractive then Eva]]\\
{{:eva-longoria-6-07.jpg?nolink&300|eva-longoria-6-07.jpg}}\\
(no sir I don’t like her) I am a bit perplexed by this one (and why I don't dig on Eva?!?). Just goes to show if you want someone in Rockem you take them…Preseason Yahoo rankings be damned!\\
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Mike partook in the chaos and still looked dapper for the draft (before passing out clutching his draft sheet…maybe the perfect image of rockem).\\
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With a 3b locked, Mike didn’t wait long to scratch his SP itch and grabbed Cliff Lee late in the first round //ahead// of his bouncing boy Timmy.\\
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CG’s are a strong drug.\\
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Like most years his arms look killer with Lee, Lester, Carpenter killing it at SP and K-Rod, Axford and Nunez holding down the pen. Pitching shouldn’t be too much of an issue, but unlike most years, I worry about his bats in the X.\\
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Uggla is some guaranteed pop at a weak spot, but “Fried Neckbones and Home Fries”\\
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as a rookie catcher is a bit of stretch in the 6th with Upton and Ass-Ram on the board. Who am I kidding I love a good Ass-Ram! I do think the bats are weak though and just one injury to a SP (Carpenter anyone) and this team is in real trouble. As always Mike will manage his Left Coast Ass off…but I think he mails in a check for the dinner this year…\\
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**Prediction-** Middle Third…but can you really count this kinda managerial talent out…sure, why not.\\
=== __**C-Town Highpockets** – Manager BK__ ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**On a scale of Las Vegas suites, I’d give my draft a Demi Moore PLANET HOLLYWOOD. Got a lot of value; Enjoyed the company, thoroughly; Got almost everything I wanted; but lacked a certain level of sexiness.** \\
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2. STOKED/CHANGED\\
**Stoked: Cabrera. I know the #2 overall pick shouldn’t count, but I lost sleep over that choice going in and actually felt stoked when I said it out-loud.** \\
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**Changed: Chipper. I’ll grind my teeth at any morsel of success.** \\
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**Oh yeah, and the five players that got injured within days of joining** \\
**C-Town….and none of them are named Street, Furcal, or Larry!** \\
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3. Standouts in Rockem Sockem X experience:\\
**• Jeff (tilted head, didactic): “You know what you gotta do, right?”** \\
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**• Katy Perry taking my money on the middle 3rd of Roulette while** \\
**Bull drank a beer that fit’em.** \\
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**• Piecing together Thursday night on Friday morning…early-** \\
**afternoon with Moon.** \\
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**• Birdie coming in with reserved smile, mercifully attempting not** \\
**to glow about 3-card.** \\
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**• A rolling convo on the roof of the Palms with Fatone.** \\
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**• Tom’s if-they-kick-it-they-will-come-in open door policy.** \\
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**• Wilson’s pensive cigarette and side-car over the Bollaggio** \\
**Fountain.** \\
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**• McNally’s realization of why the bottom of his jeans are wet.** \\
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**• Vig’s massive sorry-about-your-dad hug and quick photo-copy.** \\
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**• Ryniec showing up to the draft table illogically awake, spirited,** \\
**lucid and dappered, despite the prior two nights’ revels.** \\
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**• Post-draft haze, accompanied by Ryan Scully, with SPD in** \\
**a rare quiet moment of reality, settling the surrealism of a** \\
**weekend.** \\
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**• Me: Very little about Thursday night.** \\
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4. Most impressed with?\\
**Gallagher. Much like Tom, a little soft-in-the-middle, but he’s got balanced fire-power. Legend of the wedding-year win?** \\
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5. Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy since entering the league?\\
**Cabrera — MEATY!!!** \\
**Runner-up: Carlos Delgado** \\
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6. synopsis, when asked about it…\\
**Sitting down at the end of that first draft table was the best whimsical choice I’ve ever made in life.** \\
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7. Anything to say?\\
**The BOAT is enjoying its dock.** \\
**Put your F*n HANDS UP!!** \\
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//Commish Take//-\\
The returning champ…god that hurts to type…got lucky at the draft order party and slipped right in the 2 hole…teehee that was fun to type. Like the good drunk he is, he supported his Tequila swigging boy (//editors note: had a feeling you would go Miggy with question 5//) and said FU to the DWI, FTW C-THP’s!\\
{{:miguel_cabrera_mugshot_1_244x183.jpg?nolink&244|miguel_cabrera_mugshot_1_244x183.jpg}}\\
BK seemed to value consistency in Rockem over break-out success. His draft wasn’t the sexiest (I mean does even his wife get her pussy juices flowing when thinking about Youk?)\\
| {{:enza-and-kevin-youkilis.jpg?nolink&315|enza-and-kevin-youkilis.jpg}}|

|Dam…She is hot…|

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but the man looks weak in no areas. Holiday will captain a strong OF that could jump to the best in the league if Beltran bounces back. His Inf is wrapped in producers and Chipper that late could be the steal of the draft…ahh fack who am I kidding? He will probably be hurt before I post this…(//Editors note: He was//)\\
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He drafted a stash of RP’s to grab saves from all over and should be good there…the one area I see a touch of weakness is in his SP’s. Latos and Kershaw are two of my favorite pitchers in the game. Love watching both hurl…I am just not so sure THIS is the year for them to be 1-2 on any staff…age, injuries, shatty teams. Again, I like them, don’t love them, same way I feel about all your mothers! Aye-OH! ([[http://instantrimshot.com/classic/?sound=rimshot|Click this to finish up the cheap joke]]).\\
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**Prediction**- Top third…hard to bet against the champ.\\
=== **NOLA Crawdaddies** – Manager: SpD ===

How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**My draft is a Wednesday night out on the town, not nearly as great as Thur, Fri or Sat because you still have 2 days of work to suffer through, but much better then Sun-Tues…lots o’speed helps on both ends.** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**Not going to lie, most years I am all over the snake, riding it like I was on meth, hell I should change my team name to Ouroboros, but not this year. The Vegas Crawling King Snake frightened me…I knew I would have to reach and would be foggy as to when would be proper. That said I think it ended up pretty aiight.** \\
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**Pumped that CarGonzo Beans fell to me, but the most stoked was probably Peavy in the 19th…if he ever plays.** \\
**One change, while he seems to be my bouncing boy lately I am thinking I could have waited on Pena, but the real head scratcher was Cueto…not sure why I skinned his smoke wagon.** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**Oh man, what doesn’t stand out? Walking into that room for the first time, Piling into countless limos, seeing the sun rise and shine from a balcony hottub multiple nights, a rockem roulette table, chatting by a fire post draft,** \\
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**LIVING LIFE.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**Like always BK’s and Tom’s seem to jump out at me, but again with the parity of this league any team can win…blah blah, why can’t any of you fuckers just try some crazy ass experiment and draft the full Nationals team one year?!?!** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess\\
up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
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**There were 4 in the original mix but Ass-Ram and Vladdy were so long ago that my crush has subsided.** \\
**This made me rack my brain (and I wrote the stupid fucking question!) but it really comes down to 2 people; the fact that I couldn’t draft one this year pushes it over the edge for someone I can’t wait to pick up when he gets back to the majors…** \\
**Mark Prior edges out Magglio Ordonez…I mean just look at his calves!??!? Calf’s? Yeah…I’d eat him like Veal. You always love the ones that let you down, I still dream of his greatness of ’04 (Rockem 3) and how we could have been champs together…FUCK YOU OLERUD!!!!!!** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it…\\
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**(Holding up four fingers) “There’s nothing else like it.” WOOOOOO!!!!** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
H**ere’s where I usually just say…READ THE PREVIEW…but now I will just say…Thank You!** \\
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__//Guest Take From the glorious Jay Vigliucci thanks for putting in the time Vig://__ \\
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Judgement time for Jesus! YOU will be judged now SPD!!\\
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First off, Carlos Pena in the tenth round. Maybe I would have waited another couple of rounds to pick Pena up. Like the 25th or 37th round. Maybe later even. Like when I was getting six feet of dirt truth sprinkled on my broken down ballsack.\\
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Ok, the jameson hot tub and the cupcake bakin mixologist played their parts. Lazy inspiration on the balcony. In the best sense of all. The commish, being the social alchemist that he is, may have found his thoughts too fuzzy by the wealth that surrounded him. He thought to himself "Maybe I should pick up Vlad? Wait a sec, this chandelier that Vig is banging on is cool. Gonna jam on that for a minute and then nab Carlos Pena!" I mean, I dunno. In truth, to analyze the past without the present makes my lips is like an oowop as I start to spray it.\\
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I want to parade up and down on what is known! Point and laugh kinda thing. Yet, this thing is young and choices made in that palms suite will have more to say.\\
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How can you go wrong with D Wright and Car Gone as the first two? Solid. Potential for not only a little bit of everything but kinda a bunch of everything. Morneau in the third? Cool but why not go for your ex-boy (last year's crush) Jose Bautista? Don't believe in him anymore? Why not B? Not that Justin is gonna suck. Much. Cock. It's just fascinating to me how we psych ourselves in and out of players that we JUST HAD and, played well.\\
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In any case, Hamels and Greinke is competitive. Questionable for zacky's cuckooness and cole's crybabyness "I just want the world series to be over so I can be home wrapped up in my wubby! Wah!!" What a douchebag philly fag. Don't get me wrong, he has been on my teams before. I pick a lot of fags too. Its cool.\\
Marmol aint no joke.\\
I also dig Drew Stubb. The people train goes out to st-stubbville…\\
I remember liking the Peavy pick. I have forgotten more than is worth remembering though. And I wish I had taken a picture of hot tub's couch fort of solitude.\\
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Is Koji closing? That would be big. Jorge Popo has still got pop and his eligibilty at catcher makes him more valuable. NOT catching should help him too. He old.\\
I wanted Phil Hughes, badly. Hard on bad. Well, let's settle down. But I did.\\
There really was a dude named Lando?\\
Not really sure how to gauge the commish's squad. I don't think it's bad in any sense of the word.\\
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I do think that in order to be in the upper middle he NEEDS Justin Morneau, Greinke and Hamels to produce. To win, his Outfield is gonna need to catch some lightning. Which, is possible. In Haiti.\\
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I say seventh place.\\
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Thanks Commish, for everything and everybody…\\
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//(Editor's Note: NahNahNah, thank you J, well done….)// \\
===   ===

=== **Byrnes When I Peavy** – Manager: John ===

How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**First five rounds was how I felt when I won $1000 at 3 card poker. Middle rounds felt like winning $200 at No Limit Holdem (a lot of work for so-so result). The last five rounds felt like losing $250 playing roulette while doing unending Jager bombs** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**Pujols – stoked…….Pujols - changed (11 games hitting under .200 making me question, but it is early)** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**Everyone tirelessly preparing for the draft then Vig making copies at the concierge desk of the draft book. You know he is going to win now!** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**BK.** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess\\
up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
**Is the Rockem logo changing to a rainbow?** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it…\\
**What a Long Strange trip it has been!!** \\
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**Since this is the 10 year anniversary the traditional symbol/gift is Tin or Aluminum…do we change the cup to Tin or Aluminum in honor? (relax, gold is 50 years)** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Good Luck** \\
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//Commish Take:// \\
Here he goes with the first pick for the first time…good luck Bird, nobody with the first pick has ever won…so…there’s that. Birdie grabbed himself some Pu, like he was grabbing a cocktail waitress’s ass…firm and authoritative. The solid number one, but he mixed it up a bit on the SNAAAAAKE pick (sorry Mike can’t get on board the “whipAround” yet) with 2 top tier arms, Ballsy. When you ride the snake however you need to go above and beyond, and what better place to gamble then Vegas?\\
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I gotta say though I like those gambles a lot more then some of the later ones. There seems to be a theme of solid players drafted (Choo, McCann, Span, Wells) that aren’t nipple hardening but productive. When he needed to reach out though guys like Prado, McGhee and Snider joined the Byrne’s and they aren’t the most excitable gambles all though Castro could be the exception to that rule.\\
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Not trying to go all out on the Arm side either with some safe grabs…Lilly and Kuroda are serviceable out in LA as should the closing duo of Franklin and Putz. Birdie should like this preview, because unless Albert plays out of his mind for a new contract I can’t see this side putting up the numbers to contend…your welcome Ferrari.\\
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**Prediction**- Bottom 3rd…Now Birdie thinks he has a chance to win…
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=== **Zeddemores Poles** – Manager: Jeffrey ===

1. **On a scale of rappers… I'd rate my draft a Lil Wayne. I love it, but I can't necessarily pinpoint why other than to say that it's generally bananas and it makes me laugh. And if I had one guess than I guess I'm just New Orleans.** \\
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2. **I'm glad I got Votto. Serious man crush stuff going on there. I'm thinking he repeats NL MVP when Tulo's legs explode. But I love Tabata in the 12th. I'm hoping that's one of the steals of the draft.** \\
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3. **The whole experience was epic. I think we did it right.** \\
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4. **BK and the commish both put together squads that stand out to me. I like Wilson and Mc Nally's teams. Did I really just write that? I do.** \\
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5. **I don't take life coach decisions lightly B. Life decisions I take pretty lightly, but not life coach decisions. (I thought about answering Tracy here just to skirt the obvious.)** \\
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6. **Hands down one of the single best experiences of my life. I am truly honored to be a part of it. The friendships I have formed/strengthened and the memories that have resulted due to my being a part of Rockem Sockem constitute some of my favorite parts of life. But I would really only share that with fellow Rockem members because I don't feel the need to explain this ordinary men.** \\
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7. **This is my year.** \\
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//Commish Take:// \\
Congrats Jeffe…this is the team I am having the hardest time wrapping my head around. (I think that award usually goes to Bull) I could see this squad getting it all together and getting you that much sort after title…or I could just as easily see it explode\\
{{:head_exploding.gif?nolink&103}}\\
and slip into the dank dungeon of double digits. Tough to preview this one…lets go to the video tape (leaving aside everything that happened pre draft of course…those tapes have been burned)\\
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Bats: Votto…what’s not to love? Zimmerman gives 30-100 out of a tough slot…then the OF run begins, Justin Up, Heyward, Pence. Pence is overkill at that point and BJ 2 rounds later was just bizarre…Overall the HR’s Sb’s and Rbi’s better be there as they dominated the early rounds…but looking at them, I could just as easily see the Upton’s under perform, Heyward Soph slump and zimmy have no one to drive in there in DC. Again…perplexing.\\
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Arms: Hanson Marcum Hudson Gio. Love Love Love the potential, but is this the year for all of them?!? You grabbed Zimmerman (nice pick) to corner the market on Z and U brothers, but again this young group could coalesce or regress…hard to judge. As far as Bullpen goes, locking down Atl and hoping to sneak into Tex aren’t the worst strategies…nor the best…\\
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I see a lot of Wishes and Crap…lets see which gets filled first.\\
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**Prediction**- Middle 3rd. When it breaks down like this in Rockem…split the difference and CANOE THE FUCK OUT OF IT!
===   ===

=== **Doumit2MeOneMoreTime** – Manager: Tom ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**On a scale of Rockem’ Members’ level of hangover on draft day with Winston being 0 and Birdie being a 10, I think my team is somewhere between a Bull and a Moon.** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**I was happy getting Big Dumm again even if I reached a bit (sorry Shawn). I wouldn’t necessarily have changed the Omar Infante pick but I reached more than a bit to get him. 10thround? That pick was so odd that we had to stop the draft and change rooms after it. Of course my answer might change if Cokie McJesus doesn’t come back have a strong year.** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**Lifting the trophy at the end of the year** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**BK’s team looks good again. Savvy strategy of trying to recreate last year’s team** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess\\
up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
**Gotta be the big white goofy guys. Thome My Homie and Big Adam Dumm** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it…\\
**Better than we would could have imagined. I would tell them that I don’t have enough time to accurately describe it all and that they wouldn’t understand anyway. BK voted for Robin over McNally!!** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Eet’s a Boat is coming home to the B.O.D.!!!** \\
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//Commish Take-// \\
Ooh-Ahh the Gallagher…with the glass in the foot and the foot in the shoe…Tommy ballgame is trying the old get married ploy, have we figured out if this works yet? I am sure someone has an excel spreadsheet regarding the matter…anyway with his impending nuptials coming he went big stick…little wedding night overcompensation?\\
{{:baseball-wedding-cake-toppers.jpg?nolink&250|baseball-wedding-cake-toppers.jpg}}\\
A-Gonz, Hamilton, Dunn, Ichiro. If this lineup was for realz other pitchers be shittin’ their draws ‘yo. Even after all those hefty bat/stats Tom managed to real in two Aces who could be in the running for Cy and Young with Verlander and Price. A great start to the Rockem X…on Paper.\\
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Things got a bit dicey as the realization (and probably the booze) set in that this will be his last single draft. Infante? Stanton in the 7th? Is Juan Uribe on a team this year? [[http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2217517|Didn’t he kill a man in Ecuador or some shiz]]?\\
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Good low win team closers should be good when they got their opportunities (Bell, Soria) there are a few young breakout candidates (Walker, Buchholz) and a few bounce back chances (Soriano, Jair Jair). So will marriage help or hurt the flaxen haired Mookie Lover? (Not a bad band named (Flaxen Haired Mookie Lovers…ok it’s prettyterrible band name.)\\
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**Prediction**- Top 3rd…and a Mookie shall guide them…\\
=== **The Rhino’s** – Manager:Wilson ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**Like most John Cougar Mellancamp songs, my draft started out strong, quickly became forgettable, and yet ultimately proved to have inexplicable resilience and longevity. In short, it was a “Small Paradise”.** \\
**(**//Editors Note: Here you Go)// \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**I was happy to get ARod 16th overall…I can't believe I took Buster Posey instead of CC Sabathia in the 4th round. That was awful…a sheer act of idiocy while blindly following my personal oath to not take any pitchers the first 6 rounds. To tell you the truth, the first time I ever heard the name "Buster Posey" was the day before the draft when Winston was walking down Las Vegas Boulevard mumbling about one thing or another and said "blah, blah, blah…Buster Posey." I naturally thought he was talking about some old school, cold-crush rapper from the 1980s until the next day, when I saw him highlighted in one of my edifying magazines. What a sh-tty 4th round pick.** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**When me, McNally and Vig unionized. We were ripping butts on the balcony, noting that we were tired of being kicked around, pissed on, always at the top of jokes and the bottom of the leaderboard, and we decided we weren't gonna take this anymore. Then we had another shot and this is the first time I thought about it since.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**Tom's. But I think the Rhinos are going to click very shortly.** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess\\
up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
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**Kate Hudson.** \\
**A spouse-infuriating-cash-strapping jigsaw puzzle of bliss wrapped in an enigma, soaked with booze and set upon last-minute plane rides to strange places. Actually, that said, Rockem Sockem is sort of like an Indiana Jones movie only with better dialogue.** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**No. I have no competitors. Just people I never beat.** \\
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//Commish Take-// \\
The Rhinos couldn’t even get to visit their homeland…and the draft was a short limo ride away! How the mighty have changed their zebra stripes or some stupid cliché. Wilson declares (once again) that he is focused and rejuvenated, maybe he should have let Jackie boy draft his team…well I am getting ahead of myself.\\
All bat goes Campbell’s Soup Kid,\\
{{:campbells_soup.jpg?nolink&157|campbells_soup.jpg}}\\
locking down R. Braun (that joke never gets old) and A Rod to have two dynamite players who I think could both be in the top 5 come seasons end. Posey addressed position need (even though I know he regrets it) and Jeter (Should regret this one more) gets his dick erect with some Yankee love as does the ageless wonder Mo. On the O side it is hard to see lots that is lacking. If Either plays at the top level and Kinsler stays healthy there is little lacking, well except speed, but Austin “Action” Jackson could get it done…I wonder how he likes his ribs?\\
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Ok…The thing that seems to trip up old Neezer is the dreaded pitching categories, but I think he pulled himself out a sneaky good/great staff this year, not sure how he swung it but Mad Max, Danks, Garcia, Bumtickler and even Matuz are all pretty solid up and comers and could get it together with a stacked bullpen of Mo, Thornton, Ardsma and a shit load of setup men (Should probably drop on or all for hot early starters) could rack up the stats…Jesus what am I doing?!!?\\
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**Prediction** – Top 3rd. I can’t believe I just wrote that.\\
=== **R.A.Dickey Thon**- Manager: McNally ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)\\
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**On the Michael Keaton movie scale I’d rate them THE DREAM TEAM – not as good as a JOHNNY DANGEROUSLY, but at least they aren’t JACK FROST.** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**I shouldn’t have taken Jay Bruce in the third round… Shades of my Markakis pick from last year. I was pretty psyched to get Haren and Weaver back to back - and that’s not because they’re doing well now. I was happy about that on draft day. I told the Commish my team hinges on the Angels pitching staff.** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**I could say something about all the limos at our disposal… Like the one that came with the room?! I could talk about dancing at the club (which I don’t recall the name of)… Getting high and going in the hot tub with my jeans on? Did I mention we had a HOTTUB? Sleeping on the couch without cushions? The greatest shower – EVER! I should probably say something nice like how great it was to have all twelve of us together in Vegas. We are the best crew – HANDS DOWN! But the truth is… What stands out most for me?** \\
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**My pecker at the Rhino.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**The team I liked best on draft day was Mr. Kelly’s… I remember liking his pitching picks in the middle rounds.** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it’s time to fess up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush onyou entered the league?\\
**My answer is different based on how you interpret the question. If you mean pro-baseball player man crush I would say Danny Haren (Although, my first few years in the league I seem to remember battling Wilson for Eric Chavez’s love). If you mean which Rockem Sockem member, well… Then you are gay.** \\
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**It’s Jeff Winston.** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it…\\
**Whenever people ask about our league I always explain to them how its so much more than Fantasy Baseball. I go into the usual rundown of events – draft order selection day, draft day, All Star Break trip, Golf Outing, etc. People always love the fact that we drafted in a boardroom in AC – and then took this shit to Vegas! But they are always surprised about the “no prize money” thing… And I think that’s the whole point of our league. We’re a great group of friends and ROCKEM only helps to amplify that FACT. After 10 years, I like some of you more… I like some of you less… But I love all of you.** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY!!! No need to return to Vegas – it would only be a drop off from Rockem X** \\
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//Commish Take:// \\
I had a blast at the draft, did you guys have fun? I mean we will be talking about this one until we can’t talk anymore…there will be jokes about Hot Tubs (both people and structures) Limo rides, burger joints, fountain pictures, insanity…and then there will be Jay Bruce in the third round.

|{{:jaybbb.jpg?nolink&552|jaybbb.jpg}}|
|I found this I swear|

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Here’s hoping he can pass Hinske as the tragic Rockem Pick…after going to the Darkside with Cano and Teix, Donny delighted us all with a Jay Bruce bomb. Hey, I’m not saying the kid doesn’t have talent…I had on my board too…just about 6 rounds later. Who knows if Bruce lives up to his hype and Bautista reclaims last year we could be saying Don was a mad scientist cooking up some secret potion in the hot tub. I ain’t betting on it.\\
Bats are Passable (not a fan of the Panda bounce back, but think Quinton might do it) but the arms have real promise. I see good things from both Haren and Weaver, with Nolasco, Webb, and Floyd as excellent sleeper candidates. McNally FINALLY has a RP core with Broxton and Hanarhananana show he won’t be at the bottom of saves but where will he be overall in Rockem???\\
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**Prediction**- Bottom 3rd ….smell what I'm cooking??\\
=== **Ephedraheartstoppers** – Manager: Moon ===

How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**Sloppy. Let the draft dictate moves rather than sticking to what I wanted. Some overreaching, but also landed some deeper value pickups**.\\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**Was stoked about Pedro Alzarez, Really thought he had the make up to put up the big numbers. Second would be CJ Wilson. We're twitter buddies.** \\
**Should not have take Lidge. Period.** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**I learn more and more about Jeff, good and bad every year. Maybe you all get this on a more regular basis, but it's something I look forward to.** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**Tom, by far on both bats and pitchers**.\\
5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to add nicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it's time to fess up..what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
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**Ryan Brawn. Picked him off the waiver wire in 2007 and have been continually denied him ever since. If I get #1 pick next year, I will take him.** \\
6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it.\\
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**Rockem Sockem transcends both baseball and friendships. (tear running down my cheek**)\\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Have babies.** \\
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//Commish Tak//e:\\
It was a pleasure drafting next to big brother Moondiggy…not once did I get a pick snaked from my hypothetical queue, and rarely were we looking at the same set of players…hmm does this mean one of us wins and one eats shit in the cellar? Perhaps.\\
{{:making_a_hairball_to_puke_on_your_opinion_trollcat1.jpg?nolink&510|making_a_hairball_to_puke_on_your_opinion_trollcat1.jpg}}\\
Crawford and Howard are a sweet 1-2 combo of speed and production pop. The triple Texas threat (Cruz, Andrus, Beltre) tries to continue that trend, but I am not as keen on those three southern stooges. Josh Johnson is a hell of hurler, when healthy, but the other starters are all over the map, Filthy Sanchez has the stuff, but I think I just smelled his WHIP from here. I think Billingsy will pull it together one day, and I hope it happens before Scully dies but is it this year? Hellickson has Hella-upside but a brutal division for growing pains\\
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to hammer him.\\
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There just seems like a Southern California smog over this team, not sure what it is…watch moon win it all…\\
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**Prediction** – Bottom 3rd…pump. Fucking. fake.\\
=== **Dogzilla**- Manager: Fatone ===

1. How would you rate your draft (feel free to create your own scale)?\\
**Much better than expected considering the grungy draft room** \\
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2. One Pick you were stoked about, One you should have changed?\\
**Jacoby E-that SOB owes me for the shit season of rockem 9** \\
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3. What part of the Rockem Sockem X experience stands out most to you?\\
**Opening night - the energy was awesome!** \\
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4. Whose team are you most impressed with?\\
**Your moms!** \\
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5. We talked about hot girlfriends of ball players last year to addnicely to the wiki (off setting our ugly mugs) but it's time to fess up….what Rockem Sockem Fantasy Boy have you had the biggest crush on since you entered the league?\\
**The other Don - what a stud** \\
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6. Give me a synopsis, how you would explain the last ten years together to some one who asked you about it…\\
**Synopsis - ask NYU how I feel about writing a synopsis, choke on it!** \\
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7. Anything to say to your competitors?\\
**Good luck - the draft was a blast…glad we all made it happen!** \\
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//Commish Take-// \\
Well here we go again…punt the odd category and see if the Dogzilla’s of War can hang in the upper echelons of Rockem. Putting this preview in a dutchie\\
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and being blunt; I don’t think anyone can, except if you get extremely lucky. Drafted someone as a starter ends up a sick closer…or you get reeeeallly lucky on waiver wire or you make a deal with Satan (cough Birdie). Even with those things a’happen’ it still is epically hard to win this thing. So with Fatone not drafting 1 closer he has put himself behind the 11 point ball. Can he come back and win…sure…will he? Not betting on it.\\
For the rest of the team, Halladay was a great get at 6th and then it was all bats, and big ones (Fielder, Mauer, Konerko, Reyonlds) so HR’s and RBI’s should be good. Victorino and Ellsbury are Dogzilla’s full running game and should slap him in the middle of the pack with SB’s. The staff is obviously front loaded, With Oswalt teamed with his Phillie brother and a sneaky Vazquez pick that I think could turn in a special performance. His wild card could be the fireballer Cuban, Chapman, but who knows his role on this time…I think I know Don’s roll…Onion\\
{{:largeonionrollswhite_medium.jpeg?nolink&320|largeonionrollswhite_medium.jpeg}}\\
**Prediction**- Middle Third. Bats and SP’s will keep afloat, but can’t see free eats.\\
==== Overall Final Predictions- ====

Here’s way I say the patented sentences and I mean them:\\
//The league is waaaay to tight, injuries and breakout seasons is what will decide this year’s champ.// \\
//It will come down to the final days like always and something weird will probably decide the title and who eats for free.// \\
//I seriously believe anyone can win this thing…and the great thing is, someone will.// \\
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Ok with that said…here are my predictions for Rockem Sockem X:\\
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12- R.A.Dickey Thon – McNally\\
11- Italian Stallions - Vig\\
10- Byrnes When I Peavy – Bird\\
9- Ephedraheartstoppers - Moon\\
8- Gallardos & Dolls - Mike\\
7- NOLA Crawdaddies - SpD\\
6- Dogzilla - Fatone\\
5- Zedemore’s Poles - Winston\\
4- A-Rod In My Pants - Bull\\
3- The Rhinos - Wilson\\
2- C-Town Highpockets - BK\\
1- Doumit2MeOneMoreTime - Tom\\
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**Play (Fake) Ball!**

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